When Vehicles Go Bad: Ten Mods Gone Horribly Wrong

Do you remember learning to ride a bike? You probably fell a lot, I know I did. Every joyful moment of forward momentum under your own power was marred with at least one session of scraped knees and bloodied elbows. It’s a harsh lesson when you’re young, but an important one: skills take time, and often pain, to gain. Modifying a car is the same. For every amazing project we cover, there are countless ones that go horrendously sideways, sometimes literally. Whether that’s due to a lack of experience on the builder’s part, shoddy craftsmanship, poor choice of car or parts, zero taste, or any number of other reasons, the result is the same. A lot of money spent, with bugger all to show for it save for some ugly piece of trash. In this article, we’re going to look at ten car mods that have either been done badly or should never have been done at all.

A Jaguar On Stilts

Imagine being crazy enough to think that this was a good idea. Imagine waking up one morning, viewing the world through a kaleidoscope and thinking “what the world really needs is a Jaguar with huge ground clearance.” If it wasn’t brought about by a delusion, what Jaguar — a venerable company with a history of creating incredible cars — did to earn this person’s ire is unknown. Maybe a Jaguar ate their father when they were trekking through the jungle or something. This automotive atrocity was spotted by CarGurus writer TGriffith, and how it didn’t cause them to curl up in a tearful ball on the floor, I’ll never know. There’s a special place reserved in hell for whoever thought that jacking a Jaguar up by six feet and refusing to take good care of the body was a sound idea.

Chrome, Chrome, and More Chrome

Ah, now this is one for those with more money than sense. And I mean a “money coming out your upstairs windows” kind of wealthy, mixed with a lack of sense that makes me doubt your everyday functioning. We all love a bit of chrome, in the right context. When you look at the tastefully chromed bumpers of classic cars like the Corvette or the Chrysler Airflow, the usual reaction is approval. The response to this kind of thing is more a sigh of exasperation. Popular in the oil-rich Emirates of the Middle East, the trend has spread around the world. In 2009, UK soccer star William Gallas paid $535K to chrome his Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren. I don’t care how rich you are, this car looks like it’s been wrapped in tin foil and buffed. A tasteless and ostentatious display of wealth, if ever there was one.

Killing a Stingray

This is a true crime against motoring that should result in some kind of trial at The Hague. How utterly brain dead must you be to take a C2 Corvette, quite literally one of the pinnacles of automotive design, and turn it into this sand sculpture-looking thing. I’m quite convinced that it’s Larry Shinoda spinning in his grave after seeing this that’s keeping the Earth rotating. Spotted at the Palm Beach International Raceway, I’m just surprised it made it to the track. Look at how that rear wing bulges obscenely, the narrow wheelarches, the obnoxious front splitter. Dear God, let’s move on before I start to cry.

Novelty Wheels

Like a hipster riding a penny-farthing, this isn’t endearing, adorable, or quirky. It’s a desperate cry for attention that only serves to inform everyone else in the parking lot that you’re an absolute fool. I don’t care whether you go for the outsized spoked wheels above, or the wooden monstrosities below, you still suck. They’re doing terrible things to your car’s ride, your balance, and very possibly, the road you ride on. Not only are you an asshole, weirdo who thought of this, you’re an irresponsible asshole.

A Vehicular Gold Grill

Lord help us. I’ve talked about this thing before, but I’m definitely not done with it. There’s not enough harsh words in the universe for it. Gold barely ever looks good on a car, and when it’s metallic, it’s more gaudy than the entire 1980s put together. I’ve seen some things in my life, but this is enough to cause serious scarring of the soul. This Camaro ZL1, built by 813 Customs, who defended it by saying that “PEOPLE DON’T BUILD CARS TO MAKE ANOTHER PERSON HAPPY they build it to there own style and what they want” (sic throughout). That’s a fair argument, but I cannot let it hold water. If this honestly, truly, reflects somebody’s personal style, they need to ask themselves some serious questions.

A Drastic Body Change

You know what, I’m sure this is a mod that can be done correctly. I’m even more sure that the number of them that go wrong is an order of magnitude greater than the ones that go right. If you want a pickup, hey, go wild, grab yourself a pick-em-up truck in any flavor that you want. Don’t get your hands on a Corvette, saw into its rear and install a bed in there. More besides, the Corvette would not make a good pickup whatever you did to it. The lack of space, the low body posture, and even more mean that it’s an astonishingly strange idea. Don’t do this. Use a car for its designed purpose. Its designers probably understood cars more than you do.

Poor Paintjobs

The second Jaguar on this list, and this one leaves me even more offended. Just like the C2 Corvette previously mentioned, the Jag E-Type is one of the most beautiful cars ever created. So much so that it is featured in the Museum of Modern Art under the title “Refining the Sports Car“. It’s a car that many dream of owning, and then..this guy. This guy goes and desecrates it with this awful paintjob. It’s a jaguar on a Jaguar. That’s not funny. That’s not interesting. If it had been painted in leopard print, it may have actually been less visually offensive.

More Stance Than A Ballet Dancer

For a certain kind of modder, stance is all important. Slamming a car almost into the ground is an achievement. Look, I love a lowrider as much as the next man, but when you look at this car, I can only question how it drives. Can you even imagine trying to keep that thing under control, or make even the smallest turn? Can you imagine not only doing that to your car but thinking it’s cool to throw a sticker on your windshield proclaiming your car’s slammed status to all and sundry? The creator of this car is a supreme doofus. Don’t slam your cars. It’s not cool.

Outlandish Rims

Big rims have their place. Their place is on Cadillac Escalades, being driven by a 00s rapper. Bigger wheels can look cool, particularly on a classic. Let this picture be a testament to the fact that they don’t always improve a car’s looks. Spotted in Memphis, these outlandishly huge rims have been fitted to a convertible Nissan Murano, which I frankly refuse to admit looks good as stock, let alone like this. As has been pointed out, the execution of the rims is actually pretty good. The body has been modified well, as has the chassis. It’s a shame that such a lot of work by clearly talented mechanics went into making this monster. Truly a ridiculous truck that looks like a dune buggy on steroids, it is maybe one of the most disheartening things I’ve seen in the past few days.

Botched Bodykits

Did you ever Botched? It wasn’t quality programming, instead being the sort of thing you’d watch after you get home from a long stint at the bar because you can’t be bothered to change the channel. As the name suggests, it chronicled stories of botched plastic surgeries. Writing this entry has got me thinking about pitching a new one themed around cars. Take a look at this thing. I am very, very unsure about what this person was trying to achieve. Covering an ordinary looking hatchback with a selection of only the cheapest bodykit parts is not going to convince anyone that you drive a Bugatti Veyron. That’s not how it works. Body conversion kits have been around for a hot minute, but each and every one of them just baffles me. You can’t stick a couple of pieces on your pedestrian sedan and fool people. Have some dignity.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this tour of vehicular regrets. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go and pour myself a stiff drink and have a little lie down.